Managing Stress and Staying Centered

I used to live in a constant state of stress and anyone who spent more than 10 minutes with me could see it. I felt like the circumstances in my life where my stress was centered were out of my control. I thought I was managing it the best I could by “venting” about it to friends or vegging out on the couch and binge watching Netflix to “recharge”. The reality was that while these things provided temporary comfort (otherwise known as “shadow comforts”), they never actually lowered my overall stress level.

What are your go to shadow comforts? Having a glass or 2 of wine every night? Aimlessly scrolling through social media? Binging on comfort food? Shopping?

Has doing any of this ever permanently solved any of your problems?

There is nothing inherently wrong about any of these activities, but it's not what you do, it's why you do it that makes the difference.

When we seek out shadow comforts, we are LESS likely to get to the root of our stress because we are numbing the discomfort instead of working through it.

When I reflect on my current life, there are very few times in the recent past where I would say I felt “stressed”.

My life circumstances haven’t gotten easier. In the past 3 years, I’ve undergone a complete home renovation, had a second child (who didn’t sleep through the night until he was 15 months old!) and began managing a third spa that we built from the ground up. In many ways, my circumstances became more challenging.

The key for me feeling less stress is anticipating potential stressors in advance and deciding how I’m going to manage them before they happen.

Here a few examples that have worked really well for me:

· Replacing evening couch/TV time with bath soaks and audiobooks.

· Waking up at 5:30 each morning to get my workout in BEFORE going to work.

I do this for 2 reasons:

1. Physical movement is scientifically proven to elevate your mood.

2. Getting it done first thing means I don’t have to worry about finding time for it later in the day if I get stuck late at work or the kids aren’t cooperating, etc.

· Starting each morning with a dance session to music that makes me feel happy and alive. Also, adding a trampoline to my office so that I can jump around and listen to music anytime my mood or energy levels drop throughout the day.

The best way to cure stress is to MOVE. YOUR. BODY.

· Putting my phone away at least 30 minutes before I go to sleep and lying in bed reading a book until my eyes get heavy. Coming from someone who used to take a Benadryl every night in order to be able to fall asleep, this routine has been a game changer!

· Cooking! I never thought I would have a desire to cook but cooking has been one of my greatest sources of joy this past year. I love creating healthy & yummy food and making it look pretty! Plus, it gives me some alone time to listen to music or a podcast while I’m doing it.

· And lastly, avoiding food and beverages that lower my energy levels and make me feel like crap.

Now just because these are the things that worked for me, doesn’t mean they wont be different for you. The thought I want to leave you with is that if you currently believe you have a good idea of what makes you happy, reduces your stress, brings your comfort, etc. and you are STILL stressed all the time, it might be time to let go of those things you have believed were helping you and start trying new things to find something that truly works.

· 7 years ago, I wasn’t the type of person who cared about what I ate.

· 6 years ago, I wasn’t the type of person who ever worked out.

· 3 years ago, I wasn’t the type of person who read books every day.

All of these things are now part of my identity. Discovering these things about myself took a lot of trial and error and stepping outside of my routines and my comfort zone and letting go of the person I believed I was in order to become a person I actually wanted to be.